He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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