Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
