Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
