Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There r osticjed everywhere
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
