you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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