Only a mothe r could love this liver
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
