NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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