Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize