I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
