put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
