I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize