so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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