he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
