Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
