There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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