apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I want her autograph on my taint
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
