Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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