Umm I'm too high to move.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
