dude i'm inner monologue high
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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