How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
