He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
