You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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