and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
