I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
