My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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