Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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