The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
