you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
