is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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