It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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