that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I look better un-naked...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
