So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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