yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize