she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
