my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
