Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I have demons in me.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
