so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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