we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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