Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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