But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
