I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
