My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
