i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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