if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
