CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud š³
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. Thatās how the club was. Lance doesnāt get to decide ever again.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words āIce Cream Enemaā were spoken.
Randomize
