omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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