i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
