He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
