My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
