I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
