I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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