You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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