I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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