you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
