Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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