And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
