Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize