Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
