ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
