Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
