i permit you to call me
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i came on her dog
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
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