my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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