the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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