i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
