I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
