You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
