i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
