nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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