Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
