I faked an abortion last night.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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