yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
