you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
