Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
