Define "chronic" masturbator.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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