anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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