so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
