So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
