hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm passing your future prison.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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