what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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