My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
