Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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