He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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