something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
