RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
