I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
