Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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