Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
