Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
