i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
