it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
