and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
