just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
