I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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