just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize