We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
