Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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