Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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