If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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