i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
