we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
