they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
50% drunk capacity currently
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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