I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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