Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You can't just leave with hair like that
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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