We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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