I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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