you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
