yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
