he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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