Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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