I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
