My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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