True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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